Perfect
by Ira-Grace White
Summary: One-shot based upon "The Fugitive" and "The Holocaust Survivor". Sue struggles with thoughts about her deafness, believing that she is imperfect. Jack notices that something is wrong and tries to help. Requested by Sissylove25.


**This story was inspired by requests from Sissylove25, who has been sending me messages with some story ideas. They wanted a story that had Sue explain problems with her deafness to Jack. Sissylove25, this story is dedicated to you. Thank you for the ideas, and your patience while I got more ideas for it - I hope that it is everything that you wanted and is worth the wait!**

 **Everyone, please read, review, and enjoy this short story, based upon the episodes "The Fugitive" and "The Holocaust Survivor" (I got two birds with one stone!). I really enjoyed writing it and the story developed wonderfully as I was writing it. I hope that you all love it as much as I do! Now, ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy "Perfect"!**

 _"No, please, no," Sue cried out as she tried to pull away from the Nazi soldiers, dragging her away to a concentration camp. "I haven't done anything! You don't have any reason to do this to me. I haven't done anything!"_

 _One of the soldiers turned toward her. His hat was low over his face, so all she could see was his lips, but that was enough. She could see the fateful words - "You're deaf. That's all the reason that we need."_

 _Sue felt her heart sink. "All the reason," she whispered to herself as she let them pull her away. What was the point of resisting? There were too many of them. And their reason was..._

 _One of the soldiers turned and looked straight at her. He pushed his hat back and Sue recognized him._

 _"Max Johnson from Physics 103 in high school?" She asked. He smirked and pushed her toward the concentration camp. She felt shock vibrations - guns were being shot. She once again tried to fight back, but she was weak from struggle. Other soldiers came and pushed her on. She looked up into their hateful faces and shuddered._

 _She knew them all._

Sue woke from the nightmare with a jolt. The sunlight was gently streaming through her window in direct opposition to the horrors that she had just experienced. She took a deep, trembling breath. She felt a nudge on her hand and turned to see Levi anxiously standing next to her bed.

"Hey, Levi," she said feebly, shakily stroking him to ease her fright. "Thanks for coming. Did you know that I needed help?" She could feel Levi whine. Sue smiled. "Good thing Lucy isn't here, isn't it? I have no clue if I'm actually screaming during those night mares, so I'm glad that I didn't worry her." She sighed and began to get out of bed. "But tonight she'll be back from visiting her sister and I'll have to hide it somehow." She looked through her closet and chose some pants and a blouse for her work outfit as she continued to chat to her dog. "Seriously, Levi, I don't know what to do. These nightmares keep getting worse and I don't know what to do."

Levi panted up at her from his place next to her, his typical doggy smile cheering even his troubled mistress. She sat down on the bed again as she tried to think of some way to vanquish the nightmares.

"Levi, they've been getting worse since that case helping Helga. I used to have nightmares about the bullying from school, but now," she shuddered, "it's gotten way worse. Now they're not excluding me, they're...they're exterminating me." She stroked Levi, then left her room to get ready for work. Levi the faithful padded after her, always hopeful that anything including Sue might involve food, walks, Jack, or attention of any sort.

...

"You okay?"

An exhausted Sue finally caught the movements and registered them. Jack was standing next to her, signing.

"What?" she signed apologetically. "I didn't catch that."

"You okay?" Jack signed again. "It's only 10:00 and you look as if you were already about to fall over from tiredness."

"Oh, I'm okay."

"Really?" Jack was skeptical.

Sue attempted a reassuring smile, but it was a failure. "I'm...fine," she said feebly.

"You've been like this a lot lately," Jack said as he sat down on the edge of her desk. "Want to talk about it? Because you don't look like you believe that you're fine right now and it is becoming quite obvious to everyone on the team."

The pain hit hard. Sue stood up forcefully and looked Jack in the face.

"You're right. I'm not fine. It is obvious. I'm not perfect." She snatched her coat and Levi's leash and rushed out of the room.

 _I need to find a place far away from here, far away from them, far enough away to cry. I don't want anyone - I don't want Jack - to find me; not now, not ever._

She saw Jack out of the corner of her eye. He was running after her.

 _Why can't he just leave me alone? I don't want him._ _He_ _couldn't possibly want me._

She felt Jack touch her arm, but she kept walking as fast as she could.

 _Away. Away from the past. Away from everyone who doesn't need me. Away from those who don't want me._

Jack grabbed both of her arms and positioned himself in front of her to block her escape.

 _Jack, please, leave well enough alone._

"Sue," he was saying, "what is it? Can I help you?"

"No," she forced out of her shaking lips.

 _I can't even hear my own voice. I'm imperfect._

She focused on Jack's face, as much as it was possible to focus while fighting back the sudden onslaught of stinging tears attempting to flood her eyes.

He was concerned as he looked at her - she could see that. He cautiously let go of her and began to sign. "Please, tell me what is wrong. Please, Sue, trust me."

She shrugged.

 _After storming out of the room and our conversation like that, I probably do owe him an explanation. And if I explain it to him once and for all...well, he might not like me any more but that is only fair._

Jack led her into a private conference room. He was patient as Sue struggled with her emotions. When she had managed to calm herself slightly, he signed again, "What is the problem, Sue?"

"I'm deaf," she signed.

"You're deaf?" Jack signed back with a confused expression on his face. He looked so bewildered that Sue found herself laughing one short, weak laugh.

"Don't you know that already, Mr. Training Agent?" she asked, with a hint of teasing.

Jack smiled a little at that. "Of course, but I don't see why that is the problem?" He sat down in a chair across from Sue. "What's so bad about being deaf?"

Sue looked away from him. It was impolite to do so when signing, but she could not handle looking at him while she told him this. "I'm deaf. I can't hear so I cause problems. Anyone that I am with has to constantly make their conversation revolve around me. It is straining for those around me. I might have genes that cause deafness, so I might end up giving a child deafness someday. I'm imperfect. I'm disabled...I'm worthless..."

Jack reached and gently took hold of her hands, cutting off the words. She turned and looked at him, fearful of what she might see. What she saw, however, surprised her.

Jack had tears in his eyes.

"Jack?"

He squeezed her hands gently.

"Sue, don't say that," he pleaded. "How tired or depressed are you to be thinking of such things? You aren't," he stumbled over the words, "imperfect or disabled or worthless or a problem. You are the most amazing woman that I know."

"Because I compensate," Sue said. "But it isn't the same as..."

Jack interrupted. "Stop! No, not because you compensate, but because of who you are. I barely think about you being deaf anymore, except to remember to face you when talking or signing. And if anyone thinks, well, _those_ horrible things about you then they are the ones who are disabled. If they can't see that you are an amazing woman than something is wrong with them, not with you."

Sue wiped tears out of her eyes. She wanted to believe that Jack was sincere, but those nightmares were so vivid, so real, and so accurate - the deaf were unwanted in any age. Were they not?

"Sue," Jack said gently. "Even if I could, I wouldn't change the fact that you are deaf. Well," he hastened to explain, "for your sake, perhaps, but if you are worried about what I or anyone else thinks, than no, I would keep you the same. There's something about you that's special."

"Yeah, that's what they saw about anyone with problems," Sue retorted, but not as strongly as she had wanted to. It was very hard to fight against Jack's kind face.

 _But he can't honestly think that. Make it easy for him, Sue. Don't make him feel bad to walk away and never show an...interest...in you again._

Jack stood up and paced back and forth for a moment.

 _He's frustrated and angry. Why? Have I upset him? I hope he isn't angry at me._

He finally came and knelt next to Sue's chair and looked straight into her eyes. "Sue, that is not why I am saying that. What I see that is special is how sensitive you are to the needs of others, how kind and gentle and loving you are always are. You are always finding hope where no one else thought that it could exist. You are optimistic and cheerful. You 'rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep'. You make the world a better place by simply smiling. I know - because each day that I spend working with you is infinitely better than those days that I am not around you. Please, Sue," he said, noticing the distrust in her tearful eyes, "please believe me. I'm completely honest about this. You are perfect." He paused, then seemed to catch hold of another thought. He leaned forward and signed, "Do you think that God made a mistake making you who you are?"

Sue burst into tears as she signed "no."

 _No, I don't think that. God, forgive me. I never meant it that way. Oh, I just feel sometimes like I am a mistake. Bless Jack, wonderful man he is to take the time to help me._

Jack, despite seeming to be confused as to what to do at first, leaned in and hugged her while she cried. After she was done, she pulled back, a bit embarrassed, but he seemed completely comfortable with the situation.

"What got you thinking like that?" he inquired kindly.

"The Holocaust case," Sue explained. "Hearing about Helga's history..."

Jack nodded in understanding, listening silently.

"And I kept dreaming about it - horrible nightmares where Nazi soldiers were taking me to a concentration camp to kill me because I was deaf." Jack winced. "And, Jack, I knew all the soldiers. They were classmates of mine, from the different schools I've attended, but mostly from high school. I thought that I had dealt with all those feelings back at that wedding when I saw most of them again, but I guess that I haven't. They are there, leering at me and threatening me with their machine guns. I've had the nightmare again and again - nearly every night the past two weeks."

"That would explain your tiredness," Jack commented.

"Yes. And you're right - that has led to worse depression."

"I'm so...sorry that you've had to struggle with that so much," Jack said. There was nothing else that could be said. He reached out and took her hand. They sat together in silence for quite a long time, each thinking deep thoughts.

 _He doesn't believe it - that I am imperfect. He doesn't believe it! He can see beyond my deafness. He doesn't care about it! He likes me just as I am!_

"I suppose that we should get back to work," Jack finally said.

"The Bureau isn't paying you to be my counsellor?" Sue teased. Jack winked at her.

"I'll ask for a bonus."

They laughed together, then Jack did something unexpected.

He leaned forward and whispered, "I think that you are perfect, Sue Thomas."

Then he kissed her.

It was only a tiny kiss. It was only from a friend and co-worker. It was only a few seconds.

But it gave confirmation - she _was_ perfect


End file.
